Revenge.

Per my friend Stephanie's urging, I present my current thoughts on "Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith."

First, let me say that I need to see it a second time. My first viewing of a film is always VERY critical -- especially ones I have been highly anticipating. Once I've seen it, the second time I go I can stop listening to the story and start appreciating the details. I have not been able to (as Steph demands on her blog), "Drop your disbelief, abandon your desires for perfection in entertainment, and just track this story." :)

(I especially have problems with that part about not demanding perfection!)

So, my thoughts after only one viewing are:

-- Episodes IV, V, and VI worked because they had simple, archetypal characters dropped into an epic plot; and simple archetypal characters are all that Lucas can handle. With the prequels, he wrote a good, solid, interesting story about one man's battle with his fear of loss, but he couldn't script or direct or even cast it in a way that was at all interesting (to me).

-- Lucas is trying too hard to have things both ways. You either write the whole trilogy for kids, or you write the whole trilogy for adults. You don't write Episodes I and II for kids, and then write Episode III for adults, complete with PG-13 rating (people being burned alive, little kids getting killed), but still put its toys into Happy Meals. This is a common problem in Hollywood movies (gotta appeal to as many people as possible so we can make as much money as possible, even if it means that none of the people will actually enjoy the product), and it's one of the things that drives me the most nuts!!! (See also "Goldeneye" and "Shrek" and "Gangs of New York") The original trilogy appealed to both kids and adults by BEING GOOD. Why can't someone in a movie studio figure that out?!

-- Above and beyond the bad dialogue and acting, there were a lot of weird moments in Episode III that pulled me out of the world of the film:

1) Obi-wan saying "Killing Sith lords is our spec-ee-al-ity" (technically that falls under bad dialogue, but it really bothered me).

2) Anakin destroying what looked like an air traffic control tower while trying to crash-land, and no one being at all concerned about all the people he might have just killed -- I thought Jedis "think only of others."

3) Similarly, why all the concern for R2 when he tries to zap the little buzz-droid in the opening space fight sequence? No one cared about the poor astromech on Obi-wan's ship that got his head ripped off, nor did anyone seem to worry about whether they were losing the entire battle by wasting time focusing too narrowly.

4) On the other hand, those stupid droids in the Separatist Army never really seem like much of a threat, so maybe they don't need to worry.

5) Natalie Portman's pregnancy a) varying in size from scene to scene, and b) never slowing her down even a little bit.

6) Vader's Frankenstein moment when he stands up in the mask for the first time.

7) Mace Windu throwing the Jedi code casually out the window and deciding to kill Palpatine.

8) Palpatine being aged and deformed by using the blue lightning was an interesting idea, but why does it only happen to him that one time?

9) I miss lightsabers having some WEIGHT to them -- there's too many damn limbs getting cut off in the prequels. It takes away the intensity and horror of Luke losing his hand in "Empire."

10) Anakin and Obi-wan have flaming bits of lava raining down on them through their entire duel, but nothing's even giving off smoke until the lava touches Anakin's pant leg at the end, and then his entire body instantly bursts into flames.

10.5) And what's with the Jedis' outfits, anyway? It made sense for Luke and Obi-wan to dress that way on Tatooine -- it's a desert planet and those are desert robes. But whose dumb idea was it that all Jedis should dress that way no matter what kind of planet they come from?

-- While I like how the title "Revenge of the Sith" echoes the later title "Return of the Jedi" (which was originally going to be titled "Revenge of the Jedi" until Lucas decided that Jedi don't seek revenge), what exactly were the Sith seeking revenge for in this film?

-- I hate apologists. Lucas spent a lot of time defending Episodes I and II when they came out. Now I read interviews with him, and he's talking about how he knew all along that they would be bad because he didn't have enough story to fill out three prequel movies and he wanted to save the most interesting parts of the story for the third movie, so the first two would have to be mostly filler. What a dickhead. Either stick to your guns and defend your damn movies, or don't inflict them on us.

-- Good points:

1) Ewen McGregor rocks!

2) Ian McDiarmid was also fan-freaking-tastic.

3) The battle between Obi-wan and General Grievous was really nice

3.5) In fact, General Grievous was cool all around.

4) All of Yoda's stuff was very well done (finally!).

5) I loved the touch that all of the clones were played by the same guy who played Jango Fett (who they were all cloned from).

6) I loved the touch that Anakin's ship was obviously a precursor to TIE fighters.

7) I actually quite liked Jimmy Smits.

8) Thank goodness they killed the most un-scarily named villain ever: Count Dooku.

9) Natalie Portman, no matter how bad the film or her performance, is always a pleasure to look at. Ahem.

10) And of course, all the backgrounds and effects were very well done. I just wish they had been well done in the service of a better film.

That's what I've got for now. If I can think of anything more later, I may write more. I certainly will have more to say after seeing it a second time.